So a friend of mine, who followed a friend of hers, decided that blogging, while fun, often creates this picture perfect world of your life...whatever! So, in order to keep it real, here are just some of the not so perfect things going on in my life:
*Kaylen is a year old this Saturday and is still using a pacifier at night. I said I would break her of it by 8 months at the latest. I know I need to do it, but I'm one of those mothers who just can't make her kids "cry it out". So, when she has buck teeth later in life and hates me for it, I deserve it!
*On the topic of Kaylen and hitting the one year mark, she is no where near walking. You never want your kids to be "delayed" in anything, so of course I worry. To be honest, she is kind of a chicken. Through the inner workings of my private mind, I know I want to raise a smart, strong, independant woman. I know it is weird to associate her walking timeline with her personality traits of adulthood, but as a mother you constantly worry.
*Aiden, bless his heart, is the social director of life. This is not a good thing. He has his "rules" for everything! Games, playtime, bedtime, eating; you name it he has rules that go along with it and when you don't follow the rules, life quickly becomes a meltdown. I know that this is partly just his personality, but I also know that I have been a part of this growing bad habit. For Aiden, I do not worry about him becoming a strong, independant sole...this will not be problem! However, I do want him to learn that we all need to work together and get along. You can't always have your way and you need to be part of the solution, not the problem. Trust me, we're working on it!
*Aiden can't draw...period! I fear the right side of his brain is actually not intact. He can scribble like nobody's business, but to actually draw anything coherant; good luck. Shouldn't he have learned this by now? Worse yet, was I suppose to teach him and didn't!
*I have had so many "bad parent" moments, I have lost track. Every time I say it will be the last time, but of course that doesn't happen. I just hope my kids aren't old enough to remember my mistakes and that someday I will hone in on my parenting skiils before they realize what a bad mom I am (kidding - just some days).
*I'm going back to school. While I know this will be good in the long run, I contantly worry that this is affecting my family in the present. Am I spending enough time with my family? Is my homework distracting me from my family? Really...how irritable am I from the late night of studying? Only time will tell.
*Trent and I have become one of those old married couples. Yikes! When did that happen? We never go anywhere, we never do anything. Luckily, we rarely ever fight, but sometimes I don't really feel like we converse either? While I love our kids to death, sometimes you can't help but admit they suck the life out of your marriage. On the other hand, the kids have strengthened us in many other ways, so I guess you take it one day at a time and hope for the best.
*This year, my Dad turns 60. My Mom is not that far behind. This sounds so old (sorry Mom). I know the day will come that I won't have my parents to lean on, and that scares me to death. They are my rock. They are always there for whatever I need; cooking tips, parenting advice, plumbing & electrical emergencies, or just general life instructions. What is worse is the thought of explaining to my children why they can't see their grandparents anymore. Life lessons are the hardest to learn!
This is only a small glimps of the many worries and fears I think about on a daily basis. You do the best with what you have and hope for the best possible outcome. I'll go with the Beetles - all you need is love. If I need more than that, I may be out of luck :-)
